summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
