I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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