Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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