Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
