yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
