ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
