remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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