Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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