You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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