Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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