he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just googled if crying burns calories
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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