I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
