remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize