Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize