why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
