physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
