More tranny stories later!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
