The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize