Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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