I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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