I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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