he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
