Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
