apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
