I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
