Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
