take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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