I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
