I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
