rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
