Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
