i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
