u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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