My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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