All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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