Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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