so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
