Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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