i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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