Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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