fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize