First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
