I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
