I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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