It's like God shit irony all over that family
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
