absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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