If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
