he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
