the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
