these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
