I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
