First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
