dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
