It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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