That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
