ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
