So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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