I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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