I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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