dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
