just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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