You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize