Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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