So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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