the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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