I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
