Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
