stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What happened to fro yo and sex?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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