Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
