Dual....:-)
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
