This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
