its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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