I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize