I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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