Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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