Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize