Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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