I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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