We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
