omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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