Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
