I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
