note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
