Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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