it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
