so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
