Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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