i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
