don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
