My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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