He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize