he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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