I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
