..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
