I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
