i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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