you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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