Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
