my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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