So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
