We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
