If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
