Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
