whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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