I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I booty called her while she was in labor.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
