i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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