I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
