Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's the barista slut.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
