Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
