just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As shirtless as possible
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
