I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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