I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
