I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
